Nasty Things

zencomics-004

Q & A

The disciple asked the master, “Do you believe in God?”

The master replied, “Apples!”

Confused, the disciple tried again, “Are you an atheist?”

The master replied, “Probably blue.”

Exasperated, the disciple asked, “What are you saying?”

The master replied, “What are you asking?”

Doing Nothing

The master sits by the river, doing nothing.

And the wind blows.

And the grass grows.

How long to enlightenment?

zencomics-003-how long to enlightenment?

Is that so? Very well, very well.

A young woman in a small village was discovered to be pregnant. The family members demanded to know who the father was. The young girl confessed that it was the old master who lived alone in the woods a short distance from the village.

photo courtesy of zedzap, Flickr

photo courtesy of zedzap, Flickr

The angry mob of family and relatives went to the master’s house and they gave them a piece of their mind, how dare he pretend to be a holy man and do such a thing, and so on until they demanded that he take the child and care for it when it was born, that he shouldn’t saddle the poor innocent girl with such a responsibility.

All throughout the ranting and raving, the old master just listened with a calm expression on his face. After they had made their demands, he said, “Is that so? Very well, very well,” and accepted all their conditions.

When the baby came out, it was a young boy, and the villagers took him to the master and made an additional demand that he should go to the village square and acknowledge that this was his son and publicly apologize before everyone for taking advantage of the girl. The master said, “Is that so? Very well, very well,” and did as they demanded of him.

After around 5 years had passed, the girl broke down and confessed that it wasn’t the master who fathered her child but another boy from the village. She had been so guilt-ridden the past 5 years and could not live another day if she didn’t confess the truth and unburden the poor innocent master, she said.

The villagers then went to the master and profusely apologized, acknowledging his infinite compassion and patience, and offering to take back the child and remove from him the burden of raising him up.

The master said, “Is that so? Very well, very well.”

Wonder

A philosopher, a businessman, a politician, an engineer, a teacher and the master attended a famous violinist solo-concert. He performed such wondrous music on his violin and did things no other violinist has ever done before. As he was performing, different thoughts ran through the heads of the audience.

photo courtesy of lepiaf.geo, Flickr

photo courtesy of lepiaf.geo, Flickr

The philosopher thought, “Why does his music move me so?”

The businessman thought, “How much time did he invest in practicing?”

The politician thought, “How do I get him to play at one of my parties?”

The engineer thought, “How does he make the violin produce those sounds?”

The teacher thought, “Who tutored this man into such greatness?”

But the master simply cheered and clapped his hands in sheer delight.

Teranis the Great

photo courtesy of jamesdale10, Flickr

photo courtesy of jamesdale10, Flickr

Teranis the Great, conqueror of the eastern lands, had heard of the master. One day, he came to the master with his royal guard, seeking wisdom.

When the master came out of his hut to see his guests, a guard announced, “You now stand in the mighty presence of Teranis the Great.”

At this proclamation, the master looked at the conqueror and began to laugh at him.

Teranis was seized with fury and drew out his sword. He pointed the sword at the master and growled, “Why do you mock me so? Explain yourself or I shall cut off your head.”

The master replied, “I laugh because anyone who sees the need to call himself great really isn’t. Anyone who needs other people to announce his mighty presence really does not have one.”

At this, the master calmly reached out with one hand and pushed the sword point away from his face. “And lastly,” he said, “Anyone who needs to point a sword and threaten another to gain respect is the most pitiful soul of all.”

Living in Prayer

photo courtesy of Joi, Flickr

photo courtesy of Joi, Flickr

The master was riding a cruise ship with some very religious people.

Before the ship left, they all said their prayers for safety, protection, and so on. All of them except the master, who was visibly enjoying the the sea breeze on deck.

During meal times, the same people would bow their heads and mutter a prayer before eating. But the master would simply dig in with almost childlike delight as the food was served.

At certain times of the day, the religious people would gather and sing hymns and pray together. The master would sometimes just watch them from a corner.

One night, they hit a sudden storm and ship rocked dangerously to and fro. The people panicked and began praying. They kneeled, wept, cried aloud, all in fervent supplication. All except the master, who sat calmly and watched the lightning and rolling waves. Then some of the other people gathered around him and said, “What are you doing? Why aren’t you praying? We know you are a holy man and if you prayed, surely God would listen to you and stop the storm.”

The master smiled and calmly replied, “To pray out of fear is to miss the entire point of prayer.”

“Well, why weren’t you praying, then, when we were not in trouble. We noticed that you never uttered a prayer?” one person asked.

“I am always in prayer, even now. My life is a prayer. How can I utter a prayer? That would be like telling a fish in the water to take a bath. Prayer is not a verbalization of your thoughts. Prayer is a way of life. It is acceptance, peace and gratitude. ” replied the master.

The Rock

The people of the village always approached the master when they had troubling questions. He would always listen and respond to each in a way that brought great understanding and enlightenment.

There was only one topic that he would avoid and that was the topic of God. When people would begin to ask, “Is there a God?” or “Why is God so unfair?” and so on, he would excuse himself and walk away from the conversation.

Then someone asked him, “Why is it that when people start asking you about God, you refuse to answer them?”

“Do you see that rock there by the tree?” said the master.

“Yes,” replied the man.

“Can you tell me why it exists — what is its purpose for being?” said the master.

“Um…no,” said the man.

“Then I trust I have answered your question,” finished the master.

Not like your father

photo courtesy of ARG അര്ഗ്

photo courtesy of ARG അര്ഗ്

A young rabbi became infamous because of his unconventional methods and teachings. Because of this, he earned the ire of the elder, more traditional rabbis. One day, an elder approached him and said, “Why do you do these things? If your father were still alive, I’m not sure he would approve of what you are doing. You are nothing like him.”

The young man replied, “When my father was young, he initiated many changes and reforms that have been our custom for these past 20 years. Now, we no longer think of these as reforms because we have been so used to them. But back then, everyone was against him because he was the only one who wanted to change, who was not content with the way things were. It is not true that I am not like my father. On the contrary, I am exactly like him. He followed no one. I, too, follow no one.”

Theology

A theologian came to see the master.

“Why is it that you are so against theology?” he asked.

“It is not really theology that I am against, but what it has become, and how it is now being used and understood,” said the master.

“What do you mean?” said the theologian.

photo courtesy of Susan WD, Flickr

photo courtesy of Susan WD, Flickr

“Well, theology first came into being because man was interested to explore and know more about the truth. But theology today is very different. It is no longer a search for truth,” said the master.

“What is it now then?” said the theologian.

“A maintenance of a belief system,” replied the master.

White Lily

The disciples were gathered in the hall. The master, who was very old, was supposed to give his final address and name his successor.

photo courtesy of brendan.lally, Flickr

photo courtesy of brendan.lally, Flickr

In a few moments the the master walked in and the disciples’ idle chatter died down as they looked at the old man walking slowly up the dais. He carried a white lily blossom in his hand and looked at it intently. He didn’t look up to meet the eyes of his disciples. He didn’t utter a single word. He just looked at the lily for a very long time.

The disciples started to whisper and murmur among themselves. What does this mean? Some speculated that the master had finally gone mad. Still others debated on the symbolism and significance of the white lily.

There was one disciple, however, who just stood in a corner while the others were murmuring among themselves. He just stood there staring at the master. After a while, he began to giggle. And then when he couldn’t contain himself any longer, he gave out a big belly laugh. He laughed so hard that tears came to his eyes.

The master finally looked away from the flower and into the eyes of the disciple who had laughed. The master gestured for him to come.

When the disciple came, the master smiled as he handed the flower to him. Then he walked away from the hall, never to return.

A Thief’s Lesson To His Son

A thief’s son approached him one day and said, “I wish to learn the trade. I think I am old enough and man enough to do so.”

The thief looked at the young boy from head to foot, then simply shrugged and said, “Okay. Come with me tonight.”

Photo courtesy of woodleywonderworks, Flickr

Photo courtesy of woodleywonderworks, Flickr

That night, they sneaked into a large house. The thief saw a large cabinet in the corner, opened it and saw that it contained very little. He hissed at the boy and signaled him over. When the boy came, the father shoved him inside and slipped a broom between the door handles, effectively trapping him. Then he slipped silently out of the house.

The boy began to shout and bang on the door but he came to his senses and realized that the household must now be awake after hearing all the racket. He stayed quiet until he heard voices from outside the cabinet door. Then he began to mew like a cat.

A servant heard the sound and opened the cabinet. The boy immediately jumped out and the servant was silent in shock for a few seconds. He then called out “Stop, thief!” but the boy had already jumped out the window.

People stormed out of the house, hot and angry, pursuing the boy who dared break into the sanctity of their home. The boy rounded a dark corner and saw a well by the side. He lifted a nearby rock, threw it into the well, and hid beside some bushes.

The pursuers rounded the corner just in time to hear a loud splash coming from the well and they all gathered around it, to see if the boy drowned himself or to capture him if he came up. While they were all intent on the well, the boy quietly slipped out from behind the bush and headed home.

When he arrived, he was so excited from his near escape that he forgot his anger at his father for trapping him in the first place. He stumbled over his words as he began to recount the tale of his escape. However, his father placed a finger over the boy’s mouth and said, “There is no need to tell me the details, my son. You are here. You have learned the trade.”

Master vs. Teacher

“The master is not a teacher.
The teacher helps you learn things.
The master helps you unlearn everything.”

– Osho

Be a Mirror

The preacher said, “The best thing that we can do is to leave everything in God’s hands. Realize that only he knows what is best for us. Don’t insist on your way but let God decide your path.”

photo courtesy of aloshbennet, Flickr

photo courtesy of aloshbennet, Flickr

Replied the master, “If I followed your advice, I would wake up everyday and do nothing. What you are seemingly advocating as courageous faith is really a cowardly act of avoiding responsibility. What your God would probably want you to do is to have some spine and own up to the decisions you make. Realize that whatever happens to you is no one’s fault but your own (yes, it’s not even God’s fault even though you’re too afraid to admit that you blame him). Realize too, that nothing is ever good or bad. It is only within a particular situation or frame of reference that they are good or bad for you.”

“This is the key to wisdom: Be a mirror. A mirror reflects but never judges whether what is reflected is beautiful or ugly. It simply shows reality as it is. Be a mirror. Be silent. Judge not.”

Progress

Photo courtesy of opensource obsure, Flickr

Photo courtesy of opensource obsure, Flickr

The master once met with some top scientists and technologists. He was shown the latest in television, radio and computer technology. “What are your thoughts on the progress of mankind?” they asked.

The master stared at a television set showing the latest newscast of a bitter war. He listened to the news on the radio about corrupt politicians abusing their power. He glanced at a computer screen streaming news from all over the world, mostly about hunger and poverty and depression.

“Progress?” said the master. “I think that it would be a very good idea. When do you plan to get started?”

Silence

Photo courtesy of alicepopkorn, Flickr

Photo courtesy of alicepopkorn, Flickr

A businessman came to the master and said, “I have not much time to come and listen to you for hours. Can you summarize for me the essence of becoming enlightened in a few brief paragraphs?”

The master replied, “Oh, I can do even better. I can summarize it all in one word.”

“Really?” said the businessman. “And what is that word?”

“Silence,” said the master.

“Hmmm, and how does one achieve silence?” said the businessman.

“By meditation,” said the master.

“And how does one meditate?” said the businessman.

“By being silent,” said the master.

And with that, he turned and walked away.

The Tiger and the Strawberry

Photo courtesy of waylett21, sxc.hu

Photo courtesy of waylett21, sxc.hu

Miko was hunting for food in the mountain forest when a tiger sprang from behind a bush and began to chase him. Miko ran as fast as he could, jumping over tangled roots and broken branches. Still the tiger pursued him relentlessly. He ran on until the path came to the edge of a ravine. He tried to control his footing but he slipped and went sailing off the edge. He flailed his arms through the air and caught hold of a vine.

So there he was, swinging on the vine. Above him, the tiger paced back and forth. Below him was a hundred foot drop straight to the rocks. As he looked around searching for some way out of his predicament, he saw a small bush hanging out from the side of the cliff. It was a strawberry bush and on it was a single red and ripe strawberry.

He plucked the strawberry from the bush and bit into it. Never before had a strawberry tasted so sweet.

No Fruit

Photo courtesy of ARG, Flickr

Photo courtesy of ARG, Flickr

The disciple approached the master and said, “I have been with you for fifteen years and yet it seems that my stay here has yielded no fruit.”

The master replied, “It is true that you have been with me for fifteen years. Yet I have observed that in all those years, you still seek to cling to something, whether to a word I speak or to some obscure passage of scripture. Learn to have the courage to let go completely. Fruit only comes when you are no longer timid enough to shake the tree.”

The Inn

Photo courtesy of Shayan (USA), Flickr

Photo courtesy of Shayan (USA), Flickr

The master came storming into the palace. So serious was his mien that none of the guards dared stop him. He came upon the throne room and faced the king.

“What is it you want?” said the king.

“I need a place to sleep in this inn,” replied the master.

“This is no inn,” replied the king. “This is my palace.”

“Who owned this palace before you?” asked the master.

“Why, my father, of course, who was king before I was,” replied the king.

“And before that?” asked the master again.

“Well, that would be my grandfather, my father’s father.” replied the king.

“I see,” said the master. “And this place where people stay for a while and then move on, did I hear you say it was not an inn?”